A Daily Dose of Romance

A simple question, with a complicated answer. Ask any woman what turns her on and the answer you get will vary on any given day. Some days we feel empowered, bold. Other days we are shy and a little…hesitant.

So how’s a man supposed to know which woman he is approaching?

Read the signs. Now men are very visual creatures. Just looking at a woman they find attractive will get them in the mood. A woman, however, is different. She comes round by way of emotion. You know, those tricky, slippery little ups and downs men try to avoid. A woman’s desire is most often tied to her heart. Make a woman feel special, touch her heart and well you just might get to touch…

Now I’m not saying flowers and chocolate, though once in a while surprises are nice. The guys who have the most success with women are the ones who observe, learn to read her moods, and then distract her from her daily worries. Some men can make a woman feel like she is the only woman on the planet. He holds her gaze - at all times. It doesn’t matter who else is in that restaurant or at that party, to him, she is the only one there - and the most beautiful thing he’s ever laid eyes on. He’s attentive and confident, and his body language says so. That’s the guy who’ll touch her heart every time.  

I’m not sure what image most people have of a writer’s life, but it’s not usually reality. The duties of most professions are widely known, nurses, teachers, doctors, lawyers. But somehow, ’author’ seems to have garnered an air of mystery.

And erotic romance author…

Well, let me tell you…that job title is not one people expect. However, it is one of which I am very proud. I love being able to create characters and worlds, and explore the depths of emotion that arise between two people.

Now put sex into that mix and watch the world tilt and spin. Whether one is willing to admit it or not, ‘watching’ sex through the mind’s eye is very exciting, and having those characters touch your heart is just plain erotic.

If you’ve ever read a romance novel, you’ll likely understand - the more romance in your life, the more sex. For women, most of the time, sex is not so much about the pleasure or the adventure. It is about emotion. It is about a desire to be loved and wanted, sheltered in the company of another heart.

And that is the romance novel’s biggest appeal. Romance novels are tales of safety and love, away from all the chaos and uncertainty in the outside world - a safe harbor for the heart. They are stories of certainty. My stories tell of men who will sacrifice anything and everything in the face of losing the one woman who has ever set his heart to racing, made his blood boil, calmed his soul, all in the span of her smile. She is the redemption for every distasteful act he’s ever had to commit. She is how he will find a way to live with himself.

Now add in sex, and the deepest emotions and connections, the vulnerabilty and fears between two people rise to the surface of the page to reach the heart of the reader. We’ve all felt exposed and raw at times. And as a writer, that is when my characters tend to tumble into intimacy - out of need, want, or just plain lust. And then comes the whirlwind of love. And forever after. 

Only a few years ago, very few publishers had erotic romance lines. At that time, I spent most of my editing time ratcheting down the heat and carefully turning the phrases of love scenes in my stories - trying to tone them down from erotic to super sexy.

I’ve always written love scenes on the hot side. For me, that is how I see my stories.

But there is a difference between erotica and erotic romance. And it’s a fine line I don’t think many folks understand. The key word is romance. In my stories, the characters have to run the gamut of emotions that come with falling in love. There has to be a Black Moment climax. My characters don’t just hit the sheets for the sake of lots of words on the page. One or both must grow in some way that changes who they are in the end, or what they want.

Another difference between my stories and the erotica I have read is the use of language. I don’t tend to use terribly graphic language. Or at most, I use words that are appropriate to the character’s point of view. I don’t want to throw out something shocking just for the sake of it. I try to use the words a man would think or say, if in my hero’s point of view, and the same for my heroine.

Make no mistake. My stories are romances. I just let you watch from the bedroom door.

Raised eyebrows, a stifled laugh, then, “Really? Do you write those naughty ones?”

For some odd reason, writing romance novels is rarely taken as a serious occupation. The fact that I sit at my computer - six to seven days a week, mind - compose words, work out plots and characterization and setting and scene, not to mention sell to a New York publisher seems to be something just anyone could do - if you write romance. Or so many people seem to think.

Well let me tell you, it is not something just anyone can do. Go to any romance writer’s conference, big or small, and you’ll find only a fraction of a percentage of authors who have sold. Most are there hoping to sell their book, or learn how to make it better so it will sell.

I’m not sure why writing mysteries or suspense or most any other genre doesn’t get the same reaction that writing romance does, but for some reason romance is considered serious fluff. Especially the super hot, sexy and erotic romances like I write.

Romance - especially the super hot, sexy and erotic romances - are the ones most men need to be reading. Want to learn what a woman is looking for in her man, likes or wants or fantasizes about in bed? Do a bit of research - read her keeper shelf.

Women aren’t such a mystery. We want the basics in life, food, shelter, safety, family. And a man who lets us know he thinks we put the stars in the sky once in a while.

For me Spring is always a busy time of year. And this year has set a new standard. I’ve tried partitioning off my time so that something gets done on every front. But that approach is not working well at the moment. Too many last second ‘must-do’ items seem to arrive on my doorstep daily.

On the writing front though, I’m very, very, very pleased with the way this story is going. And I can’t wait to have my proposal finished. Some days go better than others, but this concept is unusual and I’m having a great deal of fun with it.

I’ve still got my eye on a regional conference I hope to attend, and would love for them to finalize the arrangements so I can make my decision. Of course, the conference is in the fall, and I have much on my agenda to complete before then, some of which needs to be farther along if I want to make the most of the conference and pitch projects.

Back to work.

Have I clawed my way out of the rabbit hole? Not really. I’m beginning to feel quite at home down here amid the tunnelled out burrows that run every which way, twisting into yet another turn without warning. But like I said in my last post, sometimes a good shaking up is just what a writer needs.

I thrive on routine. I like my day somewhat organized. There’s never time to do it all, but if I can put an effort into most things, I never get too far behind.

One thing on my agenda is finding another writer’s conference to attend. I have my eye on one, and will be watching to see as they get more of the details worked out and posted. It has been a year since I attended a conference, and it’s just getting time to go. RWA’s national conference is not going to happen for me this year, but I’ve know that for several years now. The dates this year are later than usual and interfere with other things.

While I enjoy national conferences, I do love the RWA chapter conferences as well. They are more intimate networking affairs, especially if you are looking to sell to an editor or find an agent. They are also great places to meet and connect with other writers. The industry trend information is not as available as it is at a national conference, but you can usual find out something about your genre or sub-genre by talking with other writers.

So while conferences may seem expensive sometimes, if you choose carefully, the rewards can be ten-fold.